Part 1

by Stacy on September 12, 2012

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I’ve spent the last few days turning my thoughts over and over again in my head, trying to decide how to start this story. What pieces of it I should share here with you and what exactly this whole thing will look like. Days later … and I am still pretty much where I started. Nowhere. Still, my story has something every great story seems to have — a beginning, a middle, and an end. The beginning looks like a pretty good place to start.

In the beginning

My story begins on a cool, spring day in the late 1970′s. Two very young, very beautiful people were exchanging their vows just outside a quiet, little cabin near a lake hidden deep in the Carolinas. The azaleas were blooming and their flower girl held, but one large dandelion to match her long yellow dress.

.
He was tall and lean, with the body of a sailor and sandy brown hair that swooped over one eye. He wore a pale blue button down shirt and creamy bell-bottomed khakis. Very handsome.

She was smaller and petite. A striking beauty with dark Cherokee skin, eyes of green with flakes of gold, and hair as black as night. She wore not a gown, but a simple, white eyelet sundress. As always, she stole the show.

He promised together, they would see the world.

They celebrated the day by sharing an organic meal with friends and family, and a tower of carrot cake covered in daisies for dessert. I was just starting to show beneath that lovely eyelet sundress.

She was determined to make things right for me.

I can’t tell you much more about this day … what I do know, I know from two tinted and slightly waterlogged photos I have been carrying with me for the last 16 years. There are portions of my past, when I know we were all together, but I have spent much of my life blocking out the early years.

I’ve done quite well at it and from what I could tell, I was getting along just fine.

But when I started having children of my own, suddenly my new life began triggering memories of my old one. My past started to catch up with me. Often times, I am taken back by some of the hauntingly real memories that come back to me like shards of glass from a broken mirror. I question it all and most days I wonder about what could have been.

The thing you really need to know about my parents is that they have made poor choices. Good people, who made bad choices. Two beautiful people living life as big as they could and slowly being swallowed up by it. I wonder if either of them even saw it coming.

This big, big life they kept trying to control finally began to control them. In our lives, there has been lots of pain and brokenness. Broken hearts and broken things, broken people who have never really been put back together.

sad

And after that, there were many homes.
Many families; many doubts; many rules; many tears.
Many children — just like me.

<Read more of this story here>
………………………….

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{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Neven September 12, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I can tell this was difficult for you to share. Thanks for trusting us.
Neven´s last [type] ..Strength training and clarified butter

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Stacy September 12, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Couldn’t do without you love! Wish I could have spent more time with you today! Not sure why, but you always put me so at ease.

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Neven September 14, 2012 at 10:50 pm

I’m so glad to hear that Stacy. The tour was amazing, thanks for putting it together.
Neven´s last [type] ..New Whole Foods in San Antonio

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Rashmie @ Mommy Labs September 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm

I could take a peek into your eyes and your soul when reading this Stacy….
Beautifully written, so poignant and touching. Hugs to you, my friend…
You’ll be in my thoughts tonight…
Rashmie @ Mommy Labs´s last [type] ..Chalk Pastel Paintings in the Style of Canadian Artist Ted Harrison (Plus Made with Love Link-up)

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Stacy September 12, 2012 at 8:49 pm

Thanks for being here when I needed you Rashmie :) Good friends are so hard to find, even more so when they are on the other side of the world. So glad that doesn’t stop us! :)

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Rashmie @ Mommy Labs September 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm

I could take a peek into your eyes and your soul when reading this, Stacy….
Beautifully written, so poignant and touching. Hugs to you, my friend…
You’ll be in my thoughts tonight…

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Kristen @ Busy Kids = Happy Mom September 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm

Beautifully written, just like you. Thank you for sharing from your heart.

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Stacy September 12, 2012 at 8:50 pm

Bless your heart! Thanks Kristen :)

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maryanne @ mama smiles September 12, 2012 at 7:44 pm

Beautifully shared. Telling life stories is so difficult – and so important.
maryanne @ mama smiles´s last [type] ..Fleece Patches for Clothes

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Stacy September 12, 2012 at 8:51 pm

thanks Maryanne, it’s not nearly as hard knowing I have friends like you out there checking in.

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Helen September 12, 2012 at 7:50 pm

Much love to you Stacy. We are all here to support you. x

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Stacy September 12, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Thanks Helen, I feel it too!

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Pamela @ RedWhiteandGrew September 12, 2012 at 8:36 pm

Your memories have the power to transform the world. Release them at the speed that is right for you, however. And, like Neven said, thanks for the trust in us.
Pamela @ RedWhiteandGrew´s last [type] ..{Follow Me} Rural Homeschoolers on the Rise

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Stacy September 12, 2012 at 8:53 pm

Thank you :) So very happy to see you today, so sorry I couldn’t do lunch. Going to find my way out your way sometime soon!

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Carla September 12, 2012 at 10:33 pm

What beautiful, powerful words. Sending hugs.

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Joyce @Childhood Beckons September 12, 2012 at 10:47 pm

Absolutely beautifully written, Stacy. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I know that it had to be incredibly hard, but so many people will be able to relate with what you share. And I know that you will inspire others.
Joyce @Childhood Beckons´s last [type] ..Confessions of a Children’s Book Addict

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Caroline September 12, 2012 at 10:53 pm

Stacy, this is one of the most beautifully written things I’ve read in a long, long time. Sending love to you, friend.

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Rebekah @ The Golden Gleam September 13, 2012 at 11:04 am

Thank you so much for sharing such a private and deeply emotional part of your life with us. You have confirmed how I want to talk to our kids about their mother.

I want to just reach out and hug, Stacy. You are such a strong person to recognize the beauty in a lot of pain and sadness.

Your story will help so many others who need to connect with others who share a similar history.

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Jen Fischer September 13, 2012 at 11:44 am

Thank you for sharing. I know how challenging it can be too open up so publicly about our personal pains, but I also know that you understand that doing so can help many others. When my mom finally started sharing her personal story of giving a child up for adoption (almost 40 years later, telling it for the first time), she was amazed out how many others had stories tucked away and were grateful to be able to let go and open up and share and begin to heal.
Jen Fischer´s last [type] ..Exploring Great Artists: Andy Warhol + Pop Art

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Megan @ CoffeeCupsandCrayons September 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Wow. Just wow. There are so many emotions in every word. I can tell this is going to be big. I can tell this is going to do good. Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us.
Megan @ CoffeeCupsandCrayons´s last [type] ..Hunger Heroes: A Food Drive Play Date

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Meredith September 13, 2012 at 2:23 pm

Wow! I can’t imagine what a hard thing that was to write…life is hard. I’m just so thankful that your life path and mine met – blessed to call you friend. What an amazing woman, mother, wife, friend & daughter you are! Hugs.BIG.Hugs.

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Carolyn September 13, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with us. This must be so difficult, but I know that it will help others.
Carolyn´s last [type] ..Creating Sand Dunes

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Michele October 11, 2012 at 8:22 pm

Dear Friend, I knew we had something in common far beyond our likes on instagram and pinterest. I can relate to your story on a very personal level. I agree that having children of your own can trigger memories from the past that were put away and buried. I wrote a post about a year ago about my journey. Email me and I’ll send you the link if you want to read it. Thank you so much for sharing. xo
Michele´s last [type] ..Trade Days = Treasure Hunt

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